Fizz Vodka

Fizz candies were a classic candy for a kid. I do remember them coming in longer lines than just five though, but that's inflation for you. They also changed the design from when I was a kid. Now they're a ball instead of like a Smartie. If you don't know, they're a candy that you suck on for a bit, then get to the centre where it fizzes on your tongue.

At least the packaging is still quite classic.

As you can see they're quite round. Not perfectly mind you, but close enough. Now if you suck on it, you drill a hole with your tongue through it, leaving it a bit like a bead. I'd show you, but I don't really want to swap spit with you. You're my fans... It wouldn't be professional.

Giant Sweetart Chews Vodka

A while back I did Sweetarts, but that wasn't enough for one fan. They wanted me to do Giant Sweetart Chews vodka to see if there were any differences. Wish granted.

So these come in quite a different package than the box. But I like different... It's interesting.

There are also considerably less of them, but what they lose out in size, they make up in colour. This one happens to come in the colours of a street light. Red means stop, yellow means it's about to change, green means go mofo, and purple means you really screwed up.

Strawberry Candy Vodka

Strawberry candies. Every place in the world has them. Grandma's house has them. The doctor's practice has them. Even the funeral parlor has them. It's like the one stop shop for the end of someone's life. That might sound harsh, but honestly every place has them because they're damn delicious.

Look at them. They look beautiful. How could you not like them? It's next to impossible.

Cow Tales Vodka

When you reach the edge of space, you run out of a lot of things to look at. You grasp at anything around you to get the job done. I'm starting to run out of candies, so I went the exotic route. These are Cow Tales. I grew up on a farm, as you might remember, and I recall cow tails being different then these. I guess a cow whispers to another one, about how she took the bull's horn... If you know what I mean.

The packaging makes them look like a straw.

Love Hearts Vodka

Remember when you were in school, and you saw that girl you liked. She hadn't made her move by coming over and punching you in the arm. You did agree to marry her on February 30th though. You very well couldn't say that you liked her. So instead you let your candy do the talking.

Love Hearts. The candy that lets you be a poet, without you knowing it.

It shall play the role of Cupid for you.

Mars Vodka

In interesting fact about Mars (the planet) is that no human could survive the low pressure of the surface. If you went to Mars without an appropriate space suit, the oxygen in your blood would literally turn into bubbles, causing immediate death. The planet Mars was named after the Roman God of War.

The chocolate bar is named after Frank C. Mars's last name. The God of War was named after this chocolate bar. Okay, that last part is a lie. Anyways I've decided to take a mini Mars bar under my wing for an alcoholic experiment.

Candy Necklace / Candy Bracelet / Edible Underwear Vodka

Ever wanted to do a body shot off of a girl wearing edible underwear? Well, depending on how you do it, it might end up as a lesser form as the following.

This pack included a multitude of different candies, though mostly along the lines of the candy bracelet kind. This is not sexy at all. Hell, I don't even know what the mystery vibrator things are.

Scotch Fudge Vodka

I've been a bit shy of staying away from things like chocolate. Sure fudge isn't quite chocolate, but it still has that vibe. That vibe that says, "Woah buddy, this just isn't going to work out." Mind you that was also something work has said to me for drinking this stuff on the job.

But I figured that since this was Scotch Fudge, it should be okay. This stuff is special from Ireland, a present from my girlfriend. That girl knows exactly what I like.

Campino Vodka

Remember when you were a child, whenever you'd go to grandma's house, there would be candy. You'd have Werther's Original, perhaps some peppermint sticks, and over course... Campinos. Well that was if your Grandma loved you. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm pretty sure she didn't like you very much. I could see why.

Campino candies are a mix of yogurt and a fruit. They came mainly in strawberry, cherry, or peach. Isn't this peachy?

Garbage Can-dy Vodka

As a youth, I spent many a day on the streets looking for food. After I had told the headmaster at the orphanage that "I wanted more sir", I was thrown to the streets. There I learned the nifty ways of becoming a pick-pocket, but that's a story for another day. The true story is how I went through garbage cans for food, or what I the Wendy's Meal special.

So first you have to find a heavy enough garbage can to get food out of. If it is too light, there's nothing in there. Too heavy, that garbage has been sitting in there for a bit too long.